Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
