Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize