New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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