it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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