every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
