Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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