mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
