I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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