So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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