Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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