I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
