I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
