so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
