Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
