After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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