i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
