The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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