cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
