I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team