Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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