Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner