It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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