Apparently you make a good broom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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