and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian