I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
