Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
no. you can't hotbox the world.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
