If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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