Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
