Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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