Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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