Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
