is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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