well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
