I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
