You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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