Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
