I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we're so committed to being not committed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
