I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she told me i tasted like america
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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