So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
