If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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