When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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