I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
