i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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