dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
