that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He has the fingertips of a God
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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