respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
