Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
