i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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