if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
