I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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