Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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