We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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