Duck Duck Cougar?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Found the puke drawer
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
