hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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