You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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