i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
