dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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