I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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