I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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