I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
