nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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