I haven't been this sober since birth.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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