if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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