accomplished twins. life is a go
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
