Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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